Another thing to consider when asking if people are happier after divorce is all about you:
If you are wondering if you are going to be one of those people happier after divorce, you also might want to consider something else. So many of us get so caught up in blaming our spouses for everything wrong in our lives that when we separate, we can end up being surprised that we still have problems in our lives and significant ones at that!
I am sure you have heard the expression: “Wherever you go there you are” – well the last years of my marriage were very lonely. Brutally lonely. I believed that once I finally got rid of my husband things would immediately and dramatically change for the better.
Having been raised in a home with older siblings, nephews, nieces and cousins all about, to me, a home should be bustling with people, activity, and energy. Although my home was once that, it changed in the later years of my marriage. Theoretically, I was the one who ended my marriage, however, let’s just say I was constructively dismissed. What I mean is that he got rid of me, not by ending the relationship himself, but by making it so hellish that I had no choice but to end it eventually.
During the last years, because he was so rude and dismissive of me in front of friends and family, we became more and more isolated because of not having friends and family visit very often. Also, because whenever I spoke to him, he would roll his eyes or scoff, I gave up trying to say things.
We did not talk to each other, would go months without even giving each other eye contact, or having any intimacy whatsoever. I describe it by saying our house had “become as quiet as a tomb.” This went on for about eight, yes eight! years. It was a brutal experience.
So, when I finally got the courage to break up with him (yes, I did it via text but that is another story . . . ), I expected the loneliness I experienced in my home to magically go away. Well, it didn’t. The problem was that I had let so many friendships slip. I had also lost the ability and skill of socializing. It took quite some time for me to come back from the habit of living a lonely life.
The point of all of this is that if you are a lonely person, think that it might not just be because of your spouse. If you are a grumpy, miserable, or negative person, it might not just be because of your spouse. I am not saying it always takes two to tango, but I am saying that wherever you go there you are.
The only person who knows whether getting divorced is a good or bad idea is you. So, really, when asking if people are happier after divorce, and thinking about your circumstances, think about the possibility and what your future is going to look like. Create the vision and see what happens. And of course, remember Debra.